What I want to teach our kid(s)

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I want to teach our future kids.  Obviously, much of what is important to me is directly related to my own childhood, what I learned, and how I perceive those things have benefited me.  This is just the tip of the iceberg.  I'm still learning and practicing these and many other values. 


Celebration of differences - Hopefully this won't be something we actively teach our kids as much as it will be something our kids are simply born into. I'm talking about something more than mere tolerance. I want our kids to have relationships with people who are different than them and I want them to celebrate those differences. There's something to be learned from every single person whose path you cross in life. If you're not listening to their experience and their perspective, you're missing out on an opportunity to make yourself a better person and to make the world a better place.


Tzedakah - This is one of my favorite concepts of Judaism. Tzedakah is like charity but it's different in a couple of key ways. Charity is an act of benevolence and generosity most often defined as an act of the rich to benefit the poor. Tzedakah is a duty that is performed out of righteousness and justice. Tzedakah is about fairness. The highest form of tzedakah is to give when neither party knows the other's identity, double anonymity. My favorite example of tzedakah is called peah. Peah is a farmer’s obligation to leave a corner of his field unharvested for the poor to take from.

Peah is not about giving just once or once a year, but systematically (e.g. every pay check, every month, every harvest, etc.). It's more about the consciousness (of the giver) than it is the amount. Another key element of Tzedakah is empathy. The farmer leaves the corner of the field so that the receiver may take on their own time (be self-reliant) without embarrassment. The receiver must take the trouble to harvest and earn their own gift, providing a sense of self-respect.

Graciousness/Kindness/Compassion - Our kids are going to be born into the American middle-class and that will make them richer and more fortunate than the vast majority of the rest of the world. When you're born into wealth, there is responsibility and I believe that responsibility goes beyond monetary generosity. I want our kids to not only understand their good fortune but to be truly informed by it. I want them to naturally behave with grace and tact and to treat people with respect and admiration, both here on American soil and around the world. No spoiled brats!

Hard work - When we went on our family vacation to Florida, I was around 12 years old and had spent the summer grudgingly working in the orchard. I was not happy that my "vacation" was spent in the hot Northern California sun, dirt under my fingernails, miles from the nearest swimming pool, with very little social interaction. Brian wasn't very happy about it either. But we were looking forward to our family vacation to Florida at the end of summer. When we finally landed in Orlando and made our way to the rental car pick-up, I thought there had been some sort of mistake when the car my parents rented turned out to be a convertible mustang. My dad said something like "surprise!" but I was totally unaware of what he was talking about. It turns out my Dad wanted to reward us for our hard work so instead of driving around in a Cutlas Supreme, he upgraded so that we could cruise in a convertible (my first-time). It was a good and simple lesson. Work hard for the things you want and you may even be surprised and end up with more than you were hoping for.

A similar story: I wanted a Pound Puppy stuffed animal one summer. I think they cost around $20. My dad said I could earn the money to buy the Pound Puppy by picking olives. He agreed to pay me what he paid the migrant workers who came every summer. It seemed simple. I would fill up the equivalent of a 5 gallon bucket of olives for $20. I worked for hours and I never finished filling the bucket, but I learned the value of $20!

Be curious – I want our kids to ask questions, to wonder why their opinion is different than someone else’s, investigate their options, and question why things are the way they are. We live in a free democratic society and we’re all allowed to have our own opinions – lucky us! But for society to be productive and progressive, we should all be having meaningful conversations with people whose opinions we do not share. This is the most oft neglected responsibility of being an American, IMO.  Put another way: I want our kids to learn to be interested, not interesting. This approach fosters trust, respect, admiration, and continued intellectual curiosity.

Travel – I believe the simplest way to teach our kids most of the values I’ve already mentioned – and the way I learned them myself – is to get outside of the comfort zones we grow accustom to. I don’t mean travel expeditions to exotic lands (although, I hope we can continue to afford those too). It might be something as simple as a family backpacking trip into nature or a weekend trip outside of the city and into rural areas and small towns. It’s about creating opportunities to be less dependent on the predictability of daily routine, the comfort of a best friend, or the safety of the parent-child relationship. For me, it eventually became most about the moments in which I felt alone and uncomfortable and was forced to adapt and do things a little differently. Those moments make you grow. They make you a little less sure of what you think you know, but ultimately more aware of and more comfortable in who you are.

I'll try to remember to add to this list as our baby grows.

Quick Thoughts for a Sleepy Friday Morning

My last Mother's Day as a non-mother didn't really register. I can't put my finger on why exactly. Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking about how much emphasis is put on pregnancy and, later, labor and how easy it is to be unprepared for the actual parenting part because you're so caught up in researching the former.

Granted getting this kid out of me does seem like a really big deal right now and I really want to have a satisfying labor experience. And I want so badly for the end result to be a healthy baby (who I'm already in love with) placed on my chest, eye-to-eye contact. The hard part is truly understanding that from that point forward, your work is cut out for you and there's absolutely no turning back.

Right now I'm trying to get used to this idea in simplified terms. I've been tired a lot lately because I haven't been sleeping well due to back pain, heartburn, etc. Every night I think, "maybe tonight I'll finally feel rested." But I'm forcing myself to come to terms with the reality that it's entirely possible I may feel tired like this right up until I give birth. And, thereafter? Pure exhaustion will be the special of the day - everyday.

I can only assume that you get through it because you've never loved so much or felt so scared of f*ing up!

19 week update -- more details

First, let me say I'm fine and everything with Baby Tray is perfect.

One night in Boston, I woke up in the middle of the night with this intense abdominal pain centered around my belly button.  After it didn't lessen over the course of a few hours, I called the 24 hour nurse help line through Matt's awesome insurance.  They recommended I head to the emergency room.  I wasn't keen on getting up in the middle of the cold, snowy Boston night to ask Matt's parents to drive us to the hospital (although, I know they would have done so happily), so I decided to seek a second opinion.

Our OBs office has a 24 hour message service.  You can call, leave a message and, if it's an urgent matter, one of the OBs from the practice will call back right away.  So, at around 3am east coast time, I had a nice long conversation with an OB (not mine) about my pain.  She said it didn't sound like appendicitis or a gall stone because the pain was NOT centered on one side of my abdomen.  She asked a lot of other questions and eventually said that it was probably just an irritated gall bladder and indigestion.  She recommended I take Tums or Maalox.  I took some Tums and was eventually able to fall back asleep.  I felt okay the next morning.  However, throughout the rest of our time on the east coast, I continued to have the same indigestion issues after meals.

Since returning to Seattle, I'm happy to report that almost all of my morning sickness symptoms are gone!  I have a much healthier appetite and I'm not experiencing any nausea.  I still gag a little in the morning when I first wake up and I absolutely must get something substantial in my belly within about 60 minutes, but I'm honestly like a new person.  I'm not experiencing the same indigestion after meals as previously.  I also have a lot more energy overall.  Hallelujah!  After 3 months straight of feeling like sh*t, I'm glad it appears to be behind me. I sort of feel like I'm coming out of a depression.  For 3 months all I did was come home (maybe go to the gym first), eat, feel sick to my stomach, go to sleep, wake up, feel like crap, repeat.   All of those poor women who are sick all 9 months!  I truly cannot even imagine. 

I've started feeling little tickles from the inside of my belly recently.  It's still sporadic and hard to notice.  At yesterday's ultrasound appointment we were able to see just how much Baby Tray moves around.  I'm glad I don't feel everything just yet.  Both the ultrasound tech and our OB are amazed at how active s/he is!

We think we may have figured out Tray's sex from the appointment.  I'm sure we're wrong.  We've seen all of 2 ultrasounds ever, that hardly makes us experts!! We told the tech we didn't want to find out and she said nothing, but there was one point that we thought we could make out some identifying features!  I'm not saying any more than that because we really don't know and I really want it to be a surprise.

Finally, random story overheard at the ultrasound office yesterday.  As we're waiting in the reception room at the ultrasound office, I hear this woman talking to her partner on her cell phone.  This was the conversation:  "I'm at the ultrasound office.  You're not going to believe this.  {She takes a deep breath}.  They think we're having twins.  They must have missed it the first time. I need you to get here as soon as you can."  The totally wild part is that she looked bigger than me, so it's possible she's like 18+ weeks and just finding out that she's having twins.  What a shock!

I'd like to thank Gaga

Back in early December, my iPod mysteriously disappeared after a routine visit from our housecleaner. After accepting the fact that my shiny red iPod wasn't coming home, I bought a used one off Craigslist for $60. The seller said she was too lazy to erase her music before selling to me, so I came home with a whole new collection. It's now been nearly 2 months and I still haven't wiped her music from my new-to-me iPod. Question: why? Answer: Lady Gaga.

As previously mentioned, due to these crazy pregnancy hormones, I've been on the verge of falling asleep all the day long (yes, still at nearly 15 weeks). Going to the gym is a real task and I dread dread dread thinking about it! But once I'm on the treadmill for my 2.5 mile warm-up and Gaga is singing in my ears, I want to run and lift and squat until the album is over.

Sometimes I have to listen to this song a few times on repeat. Gaga reminds me of Cher (and not just her performance; her voice as well)!

I love Lady Gaga! I'm not ashamed.